Its my day

Everyday at 7 in the morning, and I'm still in bed, agonizing over having to go into house chores. My cell in my body seems to be complaining about it, my heart feels heavy, and yet my mind which drives my guilty conscience, my sense of obligation somehow will drag me out of bed and into the morning breeze. My thoughts, words and actions are not in harmony.
I am grateful for my life - it always gives me freedom, comfort, and at home even most of my weekends i will be away ...and that's what keeps me chained to computer for hours and hours each day. And i love being in front of this devil gadget ....So I'm giving away my freedom of one kind to gain freedom of another kind. It always make sense. And yet I continue on in this way, day after day, year after year, and pretty soon my life is gone.....My hope it wont be that soon ...maybe i am gone in 25 years later.. Is this my destiny? It might have been, but destinies can be changed, can't they? Maybe i can create my own destiny. I think that's when I can transform myself from a tree, into becoming a piece of the a big tree...giving shelter to human being.... Is that audacious? I don't think so - that's what I'm meant to be. That's what I'm seeking, longing for, life after life. Is this the lifetime where I might discover that part of me - my inner platinum - so I can let go of the beautiful shell? I hope so......