Even this is the final year of sending Hannah back to MRSM Baling, i still feel like it's her first day of school... From the kindergarten time to her secondary school time .... and i still wanna hold her hand all the way there..... i can't..... obviously.... but, i do as much 'virtual' hand holding as I can in helping her to prepare and make sure she knows that i am always here... no matter what.
I just dropped off my Hannah today. All the while, we have always been extremely close.
Even I kept telling myself I was so happy for her, which I was, because she got into the school she wanted, it was exactly perfect fit for her, and just where she needed to be at this point in her life. but on the other hand what she has been through was so much indeed....especially last year when she was down with her PKP decision/result and some personal love life thing.......
Today for the 5th time, I am sending her away. So while I am happy for her, knowing that she is happy, I am sad for myself. I came home and saw reminders of her everywhere, there's her empty seat, there's her blanket, her pororo doll. And yes ..... on the way back to KL when i turn back, yes i dont see her in the car, leaving the house with her but entering the house alone.... .I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. I still feels unnatural to leave her there! I wanna go back and get her, but at the same time I am so excited for her and all the possibilities that are open to her. Im trying really hard to focus on those things. But it hurts :(
I know it does get easier.. but, i always will, selfishly i guess, prefer them to all be in the nest. i am so incredibly proud of all of her. ...
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