dream vacation

Do you ever find yourself in the need to just take a moment and breath? Do you find yourself exhausted from everything that is happening that you need a timeout from everyone...including yourself? That's where I have been the last few weeks. I have been exhausted mentally, emotionally and very much physically the last few weeks with letargic issues (u see...i travelled almost every week to kuala kangsar just to see my beloved son, Aqil... and trying to fight to get back into the normal mode. It has taken it's toll on me.

But then next week hubby n i will start up to pack our things again for the next trip on the row to Baling, Kedah just to spare some motivation n spirit to our beloved daughter, Hannah..she will be sitting for her PMR . let me tell u a bit about her ...Hannah is the type of whenever she takes examination, I feel the pressure as well because she always takes examination seriously. Whether it is just a trial examination in school, or just a simple test.. she used to wake up at mid-night, still thinking that she had not studied enough and finished covering all the syllabus for a coming examination! Looking at the way she studies and practises, the pressure imposes on herself seems to be contagious and passes onto me! I am waiting for the examination to finally over for her....jahat mommy ni ...

On the other hand, Aqil is a very relaxing person and he does not seem to worry about examinations that much! In the same way, because of his attitude towards examination, in return we do not feel the pressure that much. Only me the garang mommy pushes him to the limit to study more and grumbles on him for being too relax, it is such a strong contrast to Hannah.


Examinations were night mares to me for this many years ago. Even when I was still in school and started to work , the dark shadow of examination haunted me for years. In this respect, I admire Aqil, and he could sleep equally well with or without examination!


Back to topic heay..VACATION I need a vacation! A vacation were I feel NO pain, have no worries, no decision making. Where I can just relax, have a good time, jump in the ocean without pain. Watch the sunset over the blue ocean. Walk hand in hand with my husband and keep up with his strides. Have fruity drinks with small umbrellas in them and just forget what has been a hell of 8 yrs. I'm sure most people would love that kind of vacation. I just wish for a calm in the storm. A hope that the hell is almost over and things will start to look better.

I would love just a day or two without being in pain while walking, sitting, laying, or doing anything. I just want to go back to 8 yrs ago and change everything. but then, I wouldn't be who I am today. Someone who accepts the physical limitations,(but doesn't enjoy them) someone who is hopeful for the future and all the secrets it can bring. I wish I could see myself 8 yrs ago and tell myself to fight because it is worth the stress, fear and frustrations. Tell myself it will be okay and and there is an end to it,,,. it may take awhile but there is and end and we are just in the middle.

secrets to reveal soon

Have you ever been told a big secret and not told anyone? Have you ever had a secret and had to wait to tell people? Secrets can be hurtful sometimes and sometimes pure joy when spilled!

Me myself have many secrets on my own and have never shared them. I was told a secret was I was 12 and have never talked about it or told anyone. I also thought I had to keep a secret about the same time and didn't divulge it until I was much older. But, I also thought that the secret was partly my fault and not until later did I realize and understand that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't have kept it a secret.

I have been holding on to a secret for months now. I am waiting for the right moment to let my secret out. I know it will be a shock to people, but isn't that what secrets are for? sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! i will definately spread this secret soon............

my morning backstabber

What is a best friend and what is a backstabber, A best friend is someone you can rely on, and a backstabber is someone you do not wanna tell secrets to. There are plenty of best friends and a lot of backstabbers everywhere. So be sure who your friends are and if they are true friends. First I will tell you about best friends. I have the best friends ever, I can rely on them for anything. A best friend is someone you can tell secrets to and trust they will tell no one. And a best friend is someone who will give you great advice when you don’t know what to do. When you are sad and don’t know where to turn a best friend will be there and talk to you until you are better. Apparently most of my best friend will support me in any single thing i do...cheers.......Now when one of your “best friends” is a backstabber your not gonna be happy.

-The so call BACKSTABBER FRIEND in my own category-

1 - A backstabber is some one who will tell all of your secrets to anyone no matter how embarrassing they are and they won’t care if you get sad about it. A DRAMA QUEEN

2 - A backstabber is someone who talk behind your back like they hate you then when you are with them they will act like your best friend forever. MY LONG LONG FRIEND FROM SCHOOL !!! bitten me twice apparently....

3 - A backstabber will purposely embarrass you in front of everyone just for the fun of it and to watch you fall. PERPETUALLY MAKING FUN OF MY FAILURE IN COOKING...

4 - When you think you can trust them and rely on them they suddenly turn on you and make everyone hate you while they watch and laugh and enjoy every second of it. A BIG LESSON TO ME !!! never trust a DATIN ... a super duper DATIN JAHANAM..!!!

So be careful who your real friends are and never choose a backstabber as a friend or our life cause suddenly change, possibly forever. The person(s) who did this to me are ones who are really worrying about it these days. I don't have to live with the guilt of what was done to me by them, and I don't have to worry about what I did in return because I learned a long time ago that there is no revenge like living well and being loved and not worrying about centering my emotions or my energies toward people who do not warrant any of my attention, whether it is good attention or bad attention. They deserve none of my energy.

cheering mom

At first I don't want my Aqil to play rugby for his school ... it's too violent !!! I believes the rugby field has become far too dangerous a place for his 13 year-old kiddo and looking at his size...Was it right to teach young boys such a brutal and dangerous game? Yes ,call me an over-protective mom, call me a hypocrite, but I don't want my Aqil to play rugby. but the daddy approves all and being very supportive... For what i've seen on tv ruggers are more prone to injury when tackling of course, but i can be wrapping him in cotton wool right?.. okay if he didn’t play rugby,he would probably do something else equally or more dangerous – he is a boy after all. But then i am letting my Aqil making his own decision without my influence, that is the role i should play in helping him decide his future. My Aqil was selected for first team player in his school team and nothing more can i be proud off and looking at him,i know he loves the game.... and as a boy he want to play sport with his friends, compete, improve himself and feel the high of winning. It has been 3 saturday mornings that my hubby and i been cheering for our 13 year old Aqil rugby match... Fantastic..He made it to the right place at the right time....but for me, I would exhale, settle down, and enjoy the game and snapping pictures of course...And i began to love the game... I am all worry about him. i stand there at the edge of the field, too nervous to sit. Eyes trained on the pitch....Secretly praying my Aqil will have the good sense to get out of the way when a boy twice his size is barreling toward him at full speed. Insanely proud when he doesn't.... In the end of the day, nothing spells a relief pheffttttt when the sun start warming you in surrounded by school spirit, enjoying the sportsmanship, win or lose, and watching my Aqil turn into a man in front of hubby and my eyes. And sending a silent prayer heavenly each time another match is over. That sounds very stressful yeah....

Rugby moms and dads anxiously watching the match

Aqil making his stand...

...and ending up at the very bottom of this

The scrum

The tackle

The injury

Aqil lifter by forward player

Team talk

The MCKK cheering squad

Most of our lunch ( well to be precised only 2 times yeah)was at Restaurant Sederhana The price was reasonable and the food was good. Food was served in many plates .... and it will be counted for whatever we consumed. Most of the chicken dishes in Bandung serves really tiny and lean chicken. No hormone injections?

Something to fill the day - Transtudio Bandung

Located next to our hotel..just about 5 minutes walking distance.The place looks clean and well maintained. Base on my experienced, Trans Studio Bandung is one of a must visited Bandung local attraction. With a lot more options for indoor rides from roller-coaster, giant swing, etc..., this place truly convenient for kids, teenagers and adult to have fun without having to worry about weather conditions.

Day 3 Bandung

So, on the 3rd day in Bandung, we went to Tangkuban Perahu with our supir Pak Ade. The charge is 500,000 Rp for 8 hours. He wanted to rip us by charging 750,000 Rp but i managed to slow talk with this asshole liar supir... (sorry for my words, i just couldnt help it) Just for your information, we only decided to hire 'Supir' for half day, since we read on several blogs about Bandung, mentioning that public transportation in Bandung is convenient for short trip around Bandung City especially using the taxis...

This is called Kawah Ratu, it has its own story about Sangkuriang Prince and his mother.. Maybe you can just Google it aite? Hihiks! It is cold up here, with a strong smell of sulfur and the view is just great!

Day 2 Bandung

On the next day as early in the morning after we had breakfast, we went to Pasar Baru. It's an ideal place for those who are looking for kain pasang, telekung and souvenirs. They have fake shoes and handbags but those are just similar to what you can find in Bukit Bintang or Petaling Street. I bought few telekung and colourful Bandung t-shirts as souvenirs. The crowd at Pasar Baru was as though free things were being distributed. Some call it "people mountain people sea". If you have kids with you, my advice, do not go here. There's nothing much to buy and stalls were more catered to the local community.. Rumah Mode next destination... It’s a great place to shop for branded items. Most of the products are factory rejected items selling at 70% off of its original price. Grab good quality t shirts for my Hannah n Aqil... I left the place being very tired...;(...but winnie n i just cant help in smiling away...

day 1 Bandung

Arrived at the bandara hussein sasteranegara aiport by airasia late in the evening...nothing much on the itinerary...checked in Ibis Hotel and straight to bed. zzzz Our bandung trip was a pleasant trip and indonesia was so amazing.there were so many things to do, so many places to visit in so little time.im in love with bahasa Indonesia cause it's pleasant to hear to the extent that they sounded very much polite... next day will be our shopping day

BANDUNG with ABAH n WINNIE (May 9,2012)

This post was long overdue. Reason was I couldnt find time to sit in front of my old desktop and blogging away. I don’t really like tapping on my tab especially when I’m on the go....believe me, i am almost fully occupied especially weekends. The truth is I just love to sit down, be in the mood to write, and take my own sweet time completing my post with a glass of caffeine aka coca cola but that has not happened either. I was just too lazy....lazying around

life is with purposes

The weather finally got to kayol. Down with the flu. Darn the chills and runny nose, headaches, sneezes and cough. There was something wierd with the weather these days. Its just not normal to have the extreme days of heat and humidity alternating with thunderous rain and sudden temperature drops....

de weader is not klearrrrr

Has the weather felt strange to you lately? I know for the fact that for us, its been unseasonally hot and wet this time of year. It used to be super hot days and there was just no way the heat will let down, even for a little bit....

lots of pictures, not a lot to say

i have been running low on words lately plus the malas syndrome.. take note you all. that just doesn't happen. instead of attempting to say anything deep , i'm just gonna let you browse many pictures on the last week event during the MCKK premier 7 rugby tournament (24-25 Feb, 2012). lots of laughs, lots of messes, lots of food, lots of LOVE and some stresses :)

just a super duper hot weekend

So, I definitely haven't posted for a while mainly due to no inspiration and the sad fact that my so-called-life has become as dull as the the knives in my kitchen. In any case, the most exciting thing that has happened in the past week was i attended the mckk premier 7 rugby tournament ( well the truth was i have the chance to kiss and hug my beloved aqil ) which really did make me happy....

I'm indecisive. I over analyze. I write whatever comes to my head. I don't spell check and I'd like to be kept a secret. My blog is my head, my heart, and my hopes. And its randomly dandy. Read on....

my sweetheart hannah batrisyia

I have to be one the proudest parents in the world right now, i was sitting down one day just chilling in front of the computer like i normally do, you know checking Facebook etc when my Hannah inform me that she had passed her final examinations.
But not only did my Hannah passed her final exam, she went one better and completely rocked it getting the highest grade you possible can currently a "3.82". MRSM Baling uses CGPA Cumulative Grade Point Average as in the rest of MRSMs in the country which of course used by most universities around the world in benchmarking students achievement. If Hannah would get 3.5 and above, she will be listed in Dean’s List. I'm so proud then...I mean i cannot be more proud right now of her...
And i am thankful that i am able to experience many things, regardless of how much sometimes worried. Hannah gave me everything she possibly could ... and even some things she probably couldn't. No matter what as a mother, as a person, and as a friend. I will always continue to cherish and love everything about you my beautiful Hannah Batrisyia

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my chocolate project

I'm starting my venture into extreme chocolate today.
It's been a busy week, but I'm not sure I have much to show for it here. One thing I've been doing is eating home made chocolate truffles..

Melting chocolate or confectionery coating in a double boiler

Clear plastic mould is the best choice for beginners. Moulds are generally inexpensive and come in a variety of shapes.

A thin layer of chocolate into your mould using a piping bag.

Place it in the freezer. Until you see a solid shell of chocolate (this is where the clear plastic mold will come in handy; check the underside of the mold to look for any thinner spots or holes).

TARAAAAAA-Enjoy your homemade chocolate bonbons...

mood here i come

Isn't that picture cute? I thought so. Anyway, I am in a "mood" today. Not sure what to call it. I am feeling about 20 different feelings all at once. I feel tired, happy, sad, foggy, energetic, defeated, slow, sluggish, peaceful, confident------That is not 20 but you get the idea. So, as I search through my life as of late, I shouldn't be feeling all the negative things. My life is pretty good right now. I can't complain. Nothing is really wrong so what's the matter with me? In an attempt to try and get out of this I am going to do part of the gratitude challenge.... It starts out with writing 6 physical abilities you are grateful for. Here goes....

1. I am grateful that I can organized things. Like drawers and closets. I get great joy from that.
2. I am grateful that I can sew and do crafts. That really brings a lot of pleasure and I can share that enjoyment with others even sometimes my other half (mr kayol) would call it as HOT HOT CHICKEN SHIT ...
3. I am grateful that able to make my own chocolate truffle and is really quite cool, not to mention delicious.. It is a lot of fun and they enjoy it. (i'm blogging it later - u can see next page or maybe next next pages)
4. I am grateful that I was able to give birth to at least 2 child in my life. I wish it could have been 3 or more...
5. I am grateful that I can somehow use a computer with my wifi connected... I love fb-ing and blogging on it etc
6. I am grateful that I can hug. I love hugging my family members and my kids at school....i love u so much hannah and aqil..and i know u knew it