2012 Hari Raya part 1

My super long long post on hari raya is now updating.

Ever since arwah my mom passed away on year 2010, every year during Aidilfitri, usually on the first day of hari raya, my family includes my abah would gather at her pusara to recite the surah Yaasin and pray to the Almighty to pardon her sins. Actually, this practice of gathering at the cemetery at Aidilfitri is not a religious command but rather a cultural one.

On normal occasion we would visit the pusara on the Hari Raya day itself. This year we planned to do it the day before - cleaning up, read the quranic verses and perhaps just chatting with the departed one. I thought by doing it the day before, I would have more time to be there without worrying if anyone is one the way to visit arwah's pusara.

My beautiful Hannah helping me with the cookies by putting in in the jar . Well...food used to have a huge integral part of Hari Raya celebration to us during arwah my mom is around. Likewise, we used having a lavish spread of food on our dining tables during Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Specialties include beef rendang, ketupat and nasi impit would be complemented by snacks like cookies, cakes and pineapple tarts...but then after she passed on the dishes became more simpler and faster ...yeah I bought the lemangs, the ketupats, the kuah kacang which was freshly cooked at lemang Bunda somewhere around Kampung Melayu Subang . Trust me the dishes turned out good, although I'd wish for the beef rendang to be more spicy....anyway its worth being there at a very early hours,hehehe ...Maybe Insyaallah,I will try to make rendang in the future. Who knows its gonna be a hot favourite...

That morning starts with the prayers at the mosque as my hubby, Aqil and abah went for solat aidilfitri in Taman Tun Dr Ismail together to bid farewell to Ramadan and welcome Syawal, the month of celebration. After all the men came back from Solat Aidilfitri at the mosque, we took a few family photos we will gather to ask forgiveness, from the youngest (Aqil) to the eldest in the family (Atok) of course.

asthma attack

Asthma attacks are frightening experiences. They happen when your symptoms such as feeling breathless, wheezing, tightness in the chest and coughing get worse or when you are too breathless to speak, eat or sleep.

My worst asthma attack would have been quite recently. Sometimes sitting on the couch, just watching tv or hooking to computer even if i am having shower and I started to cough, and just couldn't stop. This went on for about two or three minutes maybe.. I couldn't breathe for a few minutes,I felt on my knees grabbing my throat; I swear someone had a rope around my neck. I couldn't breathe at all. I swear those were my last moments....( but i still wants to see hannah n aqil graduation u see), to think of that,I normally quickly got up and ran towards to my handbag and got my inhaler. I now carry it around the majority of the time, just in case. I'm glad I was at home when it happened though.

I had my asthma just a couple of years back around maybe 2009 or 2010...it started gradually .. i got a lot of long episodes of coughing, shortness of breathe, and figured it was a respiratory virus. Mostly when i had a chronic cough, worse at night, triggered by cold. Cold weather is a definite trigger. Coughing sometimes got so bad it led to chest pain and wheezing. And maybe couple times in the past few years too i had episodes of emotional stress...that was the time arwah my mom health was deteriorating, mostly a year in a row she spent most of her time in the hospital. I am so lucky having my abah still in good health and shape and taking a good care of arwah though.. So, I thought that those were panic attacks that contributes the intense and constant coughing....Even going out for an afternoon of errands led to a couple days of light fever, and a lot of interference with daily activities. I did think about going to a doctor, but didn't. It got bad so gradually too.

I always had good days back there then even i have to rush juggling my time with arwah mom and my kids study time table, and somehow it was easy to convince myself I was fine, and just imagining things. When it got a lot better after that, I just forgot about it. Still had minor coughing, especially at night, but when the pain and and wheezing went away, and I figured it was some kind of a normal cough. I guess I forgot how bad it was in the cold time especially on rainy days, and I was embarrassed to be coughing all the time.... :(

Then one day, everything went wrong. The weather was terrible. Extreme shortness of breathe. Tight chest. Huge amounts of mucous choking me. Wheezing and coughing. Normally when I had an attacks like that, that would always get better, but never quite went away this time around. By the time I got to a doctor I could barely walk. I couldn't say more than two or three words together without coughing or gasping. ..i went to see my so call family doctor (Dr Rozimah) and she diagnosed me asthma... i was quite shocked a bit but i am strong enough to accept the fact that i am an ashmatic patient. She prescribed ventolin inhaler to me during my breathing difficulties to assist the airway flows. Now i am depending on very much to this ventolin inhaler.

Nowadays, I used my asthma as a crutch for many years, saying, "I can't run, I have asthma." Or, "I can't stay on in a very cold room temperature, I have asthma." " i can't lift up heavy bags or thing, i have asthma ." And while to a certain extent i think i am handicapped...hahaha

Go ahead and dream on !!!

I have always had this perfect image of how life should be.....have the perfect home (yup not bad), perfect children (yes 2 brilliant children of my own), perfect husband (okay lar), perfect job (housewife consider a job too okay). everything perfect...only in my head.


Wake up on a beautiful cold Sunday morning, children laughing and giggling and trying to make breakfast for mom and dad. Getting up and helping the kids clean-up. sitting at the table with the husband, drinking coffee and reading the paper or talking about what simple plans will be had for the day. Having the skills of making the best nasi lemak in town just like arwah my mom (Alfatihah to my mom) with all the right ingredients. The sun shining in and making the house as warm as your heart is. the children in perfect outfits and waiting for the day to start. The husband wanting to please you in every way. perfection....only in your silly head....statement tak boleh blah (nowadays kiddos love to say that)


Life doesn't turnout that perfect. life has a way of kicking you in the ass, and telling you to stop daydreaming. telling you to come out of the clouds, and back to reality, back to the bills, the small inadequate house, the messy kitchen. the arguing kids. The piles of laundry, the crappy days, The bossy husband wanting to please you in every way....for a purpose instead


I guess life will be as perfect as you let it. although it can feel like the worst thing possible, the silver lining will always be there. You just have to look for it, even on your worst days, its there.

dream vacation

Do you ever find yourself in the need to just take a moment and breath? Do you find yourself exhausted from everything that is happening that you need a timeout from everyone...including yourself? That's where I have been the last few weeks. I have been exhausted mentally, emotionally and very much physically the last few weeks with letargic issues (u see...i travelled almost every week to kuala kangsar just to see my beloved son, Aqil... and trying to fight to get back into the normal mode. It has taken it's toll on me.

But then next week hubby n i will start up to pack our things again for the next trip on the row to Baling, Kedah just to spare some motivation n spirit to our beloved daughter, Hannah..she will be sitting for her PMR . let me tell u a bit about her ...Hannah is the type of whenever she takes examination, I feel the pressure as well because she always takes examination seriously. Whether it is just a trial examination in school, or just a simple test.. she used to wake up at mid-night, still thinking that she had not studied enough and finished covering all the syllabus for a coming examination! Looking at the way she studies and practises, the pressure imposes on herself seems to be contagious and passes onto me! I am waiting for the examination to finally over for her....jahat mommy ni ...

On the other hand, Aqil is a very relaxing person and he does not seem to worry about examinations that much! In the same way, because of his attitude towards examination, in return we do not feel the pressure that much. Only me the garang mommy pushes him to the limit to study more and grumbles on him for being too relax, it is such a strong contrast to Hannah.


Examinations were night mares to me for this many years ago. Even when I was still in school and started to work , the dark shadow of examination haunted me for years. In this respect, I admire Aqil, and he could sleep equally well with or without examination!


Back to topic heay..VACATION I need a vacation! A vacation were I feel NO pain, have no worries, no decision making. Where I can just relax, have a good time, jump in the ocean without pain. Watch the sunset over the blue ocean. Walk hand in hand with my husband and keep up with his strides. Have fruity drinks with small umbrellas in them and just forget what has been a hell of 8 yrs. I'm sure most people would love that kind of vacation. I just wish for a calm in the storm. A hope that the hell is almost over and things will start to look better.

I would love just a day or two without being in pain while walking, sitting, laying, or doing anything. I just want to go back to 8 yrs ago and change everything. but then, I wouldn't be who I am today. Someone who accepts the physical limitations,(but doesn't enjoy them) someone who is hopeful for the future and all the secrets it can bring. I wish I could see myself 8 yrs ago and tell myself to fight because it is worth the stress, fear and frustrations. Tell myself it will be okay and and there is an end to it,,,. it may take awhile but there is and end and we are just in the middle.

secrets to reveal soon

Have you ever been told a big secret and not told anyone? Have you ever had a secret and had to wait to tell people? Secrets can be hurtful sometimes and sometimes pure joy when spilled!

Me myself have many secrets on my own and have never shared them. I was told a secret was I was 12 and have never talked about it or told anyone. I also thought I had to keep a secret about the same time and didn't divulge it until I was much older. But, I also thought that the secret was partly my fault and not until later did I realize and understand that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't have kept it a secret.

I have been holding on to a secret for months now. I am waiting for the right moment to let my secret out. I know it will be a shock to people, but isn't that what secrets are for? sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! i will definately spread this secret soon............

my morning backstabber

What is a best friend and what is a backstabber, A best friend is someone you can rely on, and a backstabber is someone you do not wanna tell secrets to. There are plenty of best friends and a lot of backstabbers everywhere. So be sure who your friends are and if they are true friends. First I will tell you about best friends. I have the best friends ever, I can rely on them for anything. A best friend is someone you can tell secrets to and trust they will tell no one. And a best friend is someone who will give you great advice when you don’t know what to do. When you are sad and don’t know where to turn a best friend will be there and talk to you until you are better. Apparently most of my best friend will support me in any single thing i do...cheers.......Now when one of your “best friends” is a backstabber your not gonna be happy.

-The so call BACKSTABBER FRIEND in my own category-

1 - A backstabber is some one who will tell all of your secrets to anyone no matter how embarrassing they are and they won’t care if you get sad about it. A DRAMA QUEEN

2 - A backstabber is someone who talk behind your back like they hate you then when you are with them they will act like your best friend forever. MY LONG LONG FRIEND FROM SCHOOL !!! bitten me twice apparently....

3 - A backstabber will purposely embarrass you in front of everyone just for the fun of it and to watch you fall. PERPETUALLY MAKING FUN OF MY FAILURE IN COOKING...

4 - When you think you can trust them and rely on them they suddenly turn on you and make everyone hate you while they watch and laugh and enjoy every second of it. A BIG LESSON TO ME !!! never trust a DATIN ... a super duper DATIN JAHANAM..!!!

So be careful who your real friends are and never choose a backstabber as a friend or our life cause suddenly change, possibly forever. The person(s) who did this to me are ones who are really worrying about it these days. I don't have to live with the guilt of what was done to me by them, and I don't have to worry about what I did in return because I learned a long time ago that there is no revenge like living well and being loved and not worrying about centering my emotions or my energies toward people who do not warrant any of my attention, whether it is good attention or bad attention. They deserve none of my energy.

cheering mom

At first I don't want my Aqil to play rugby for his school ... it's too violent !!! I believes the rugby field has become far too dangerous a place for his 13 year-old kiddo and looking at his size...Was it right to teach young boys such a brutal and dangerous game? Yes ,call me an over-protective mom, call me a hypocrite, but I don't want my Aqil to play rugby. but the daddy approves all and being very supportive... For what i've seen on tv ruggers are more prone to injury when tackling of course, but i can be wrapping him in cotton wool right?.. okay if he didn’t play rugby,he would probably do something else equally or more dangerous – he is a boy after all. But then i am letting my Aqil making his own decision without my influence, that is the role i should play in helping him decide his future. My Aqil was selected for first team player in his school team and nothing more can i be proud off and looking at him,i know he loves the game.... and as a boy he want to play sport with his friends, compete, improve himself and feel the high of winning. It has been 3 saturday mornings that my hubby and i been cheering for our 13 year old Aqil rugby match... Fantastic..He made it to the right place at the right time....but for me, I would exhale, settle down, and enjoy the game and snapping pictures of course...And i began to love the game... I am all worry about him. i stand there at the edge of the field, too nervous to sit. Eyes trained on the pitch....Secretly praying my Aqil will have the good sense to get out of the way when a boy twice his size is barreling toward him at full speed. Insanely proud when he doesn't.... In the end of the day, nothing spells a relief pheffttttt when the sun start warming you in surrounded by school spirit, enjoying the sportsmanship, win or lose, and watching my Aqil turn into a man in front of hubby and my eyes. And sending a silent prayer heavenly each time another match is over. That sounds very stressful yeah....

Rugby moms and dads anxiously watching the match

Aqil making his stand...

...and ending up at the very bottom of this

The scrum

The tackle

The injury

Aqil lifter by forward player

Team talk

The MCKK cheering squad

Most of our lunch ( well to be precised only 2 times yeah)was at Restaurant Sederhana The price was reasonable and the food was good. Food was served in many plates .... and it will be counted for whatever we consumed. Most of the chicken dishes in Bandung serves really tiny and lean chicken. No hormone injections?

Something to fill the day - Transtudio Bandung

Located next to our hotel..just about 5 minutes walking distance.The place looks clean and well maintained. Base on my experienced, Trans Studio Bandung is one of a must visited Bandung local attraction. With a lot more options for indoor rides from roller-coaster, giant swing, etc..., this place truly convenient for kids, teenagers and adult to have fun without having to worry about weather conditions.

Day 3 Bandung

So, on the 3rd day in Bandung, we went to Tangkuban Perahu with our supir Pak Ade. The charge is 500,000 Rp for 8 hours. He wanted to rip us by charging 750,000 Rp but i managed to slow talk with this asshole liar supir... (sorry for my words, i just couldnt help it) Just for your information, we only decided to hire 'Supir' for half day, since we read on several blogs about Bandung, mentioning that public transportation in Bandung is convenient for short trip around Bandung City especially using the taxis...

This is called Kawah Ratu, it has its own story about Sangkuriang Prince and his mother.. Maybe you can just Google it aite? Hihiks! It is cold up here, with a strong smell of sulfur and the view is just great!

Day 2 Bandung

On the next day as early in the morning after we had breakfast, we went to Pasar Baru. It's an ideal place for those who are looking for kain pasang, telekung and souvenirs. They have fake shoes and handbags but those are just similar to what you can find in Bukit Bintang or Petaling Street. I bought few telekung and colourful Bandung t-shirts as souvenirs. The crowd at Pasar Baru was as though free things were being distributed. Some call it "people mountain people sea". If you have kids with you, my advice, do not go here. There's nothing much to buy and stalls were more catered to the local community.. Rumah Mode next destination... It’s a great place to shop for branded items. Most of the products are factory rejected items selling at 70% off of its original price. Grab good quality t shirts for my Hannah n Aqil... I left the place being very tired...;(...but winnie n i just cant help in smiling away...

day 1 Bandung

Arrived at the bandara hussein sasteranegara aiport by airasia late in the evening...nothing much on the itinerary...checked in Ibis Hotel and straight to bed. zzzz Our bandung trip was a pleasant trip and indonesia was so amazing.there were so many things to do, so many places to visit in so little time.im in love with bahasa Indonesia cause it's pleasant to hear to the extent that they sounded very much polite... next day will be our shopping day

BANDUNG with ABAH n WINNIE (May 9,2012)

This post was long overdue. Reason was I couldnt find time to sit in front of my old desktop and blogging away. I don’t really like tapping on my tab especially when I’m on the go....believe me, i am almost fully occupied especially weekends. The truth is I just love to sit down, be in the mood to write, and take my own sweet time completing my post with a glass of caffeine aka coca cola but that has not happened either. I was just too lazy....lazying around