My saturday Morning

Hey personal journal! Thought it was about time that I checked in with my agenda again! It's been quite a while since my last blog post! Not only have I had sort of a blogger's block but i have had some busy weekends and happenings going on lately! Not to mention I have been going up and down my teenage kids off with school holidays activities...phewhhhhh....


From the moment these 2 monsters woke up till the moment they doze off at night or maybe early morning,my home is constantly filled with laughter, cries, shrieks, stamping of feet, video games, tv…you name it. Don’t get me wrong. I kinda of like all of it ….most of the time coz i valued the time i am now with them ... :)

Entertaining the children during school holidays on a budget - In my house lie ins don't happen (Little man (Aqil)and little woman(Hannah) sees to that) that the only time the these two kids want to lay in is on a school holiday! So in order to see through the school holidays without breaking the bank I have put together a (sort of) plan of action of entertainment that helps keeps costs down....Free Swimming sessions!!!








Free Golf sessions with daddy!!!





Golf is a game that can not be won...only played

My own nandos version

Nando’s has taken grilled chicken to a whole new level and the secret’s in their sauce. But eating at Nando’s can put a nifty dent in your pocket. Thankfully, the sauces are readily available at any good grocery store and/or hyper market.

Since my Hannah n Aqil are back melekat at home now i was thinking of making my own nandos chicken. I started buying all the sauces, marinades and kits to make it at home instead, saving on money but still eating meals and food I loved. When I made for them and they loved every part of it especially my Aqil hantu Nandos. I, personally preferred it to Nando's because it was spicy but not dry, as the chicken in Nando's often can be. So, it's now a regular meal for us.

Middle of it

Wallah.... i am very proud of myself apparently.... :) muah muah muah

A little bit about my uncle

Death is never easy to deal with no matter if it a person or a pet when you are close to someone or something. All I can tell you is to keep the memories alive inside speak of them often about good times and bad.

My dad's younger (and only) brother was tragically killed during a car accident on April 19, 2012 and I've spent the day in shock over the loss of an amazing relative. To me he was always my quirky relative with tons of joker, stories, gossips and comical and above all else, friends. When I was a kid, he was the coolest guy with the coolest jokes. He always had something new to show me. He had the coolest in every little thing he has and even if it wasn't cool, he was always so excited by it that it became cool. Thats the real of arwah. Arwah pakcik Ri.

In more recent years, he was the coolest uncle because he would do the coolest things to get my children, his grand nephews and nieces to smile, giggle, laugh, and sometimes even get the hiccups. He was a retired newsreader from RTM , He was one of the early News Reader on TV Malaysia as RTM was known then. He was a mentor, and a great friend to anyone that ever knew him and he will be sorely missed by anyone that would call him a friend.

It's still so shocking to me how quickly he was taken. I had just been on daily chores and only to jet out telephone call from my beloved cousin Ardi . And as quickly as I had returned home after hearing this devastating news. I've lost a few relatives recently, but they have all been terminally ill or elderly, and although related, not nearly as close as my arwah pakcik ri..
He loved telling jokes; he always had a plethora of terrible jokes from his memory and ready for you the instant you walked through his door, so if you so feel like it, tell someone you know an absolutely terrible joke in my arwah pakcik Ri's honor. I'm sure he would get a kick out of it.


The last loss of this magnitude was over 3 years ago, when my mom passed away. I remember the morning of her death vividly, as well as the wake, funeral, and burial, and I still remember it being as near as crushing as this. It was an absolutely integral part of my life, but it was the end of a fight with an illness .

This, by contrast, came out of nowhere, and I can't help myself from crying over and over. I cried as this much over a loved one, and I don't know whether it is because it was so out of nowhere, or because I have a family of my own now and see the world in a completely different light. But I do know that I will miss my arwah Pakcik Ri horribly for years to come.

It's funny the little things that you think about in these times. I cherish the wonderful memories with arwah, yet every time I've looked at it tonight has reminded me that there will be no more Pakcik Ri visiting me at home. It's all so real and so surreal at the same time.


MY DEAR UNCLE
So many thoughts,
in my head.
So many things,
left unsaid.
You left that day,
without a glance.
Never knowing ALLAH,
wasn't giving you a second chance.
What was in your head,
the last moments you had.
I hope you though happy thoughts,
and not sad.
No one can evertake your place.
Your image in my heartwill never erase.
As you smile one me from up above.
My mind is still sadbut my heart is filled with love.
I love you dear uncle you meant the world to me.
I'll always make you proud of me you will see.


Two weeks before the fatal motor accident


My dad, makcik Nor and arwah pakcik Ri


Arwah's "work station".....

He was my favorite uncle whom I used to love most among everyone else. He was so close to me and my family and always loved by everyone around him.
inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raj'un, may Allah grant arwah pakcik Ri among the highest stations in paradise and may He give you and your family and all who loved him patience and trust in Allah's Will.

InshaAllah he's in a better place than we are.


I cannot find the words to fully express my condolences to his family, children and close friends, but those who knew him are definitely comforted by the knowledge that he is with God. I pray this understanding gives them all a sense of joy and peace, even as they grieve the loss of his physical company.

The beautiful chocolate artwork therapy....

It is really hard to turn away from sweets when there is beautiful chocolate like this in the world.
When it comes to food, and especially to sweets, there is no sexier food than chocolate. Chocolate stimulates the senses, and has a flavor that lingers on the tongue long after you are finished savoring it.

Chocolate also pleases other senses besides your taste buds. The texture of chocolate feels good to us; the smell of chocolate tantalizes us, and the caffeine in chocolate gives us a small kick. There is no question that chocolate is one of the most sensuous foods around, one of the foods of love.

seriously now, I'm thinking these would be great stocking stuffers or gifts to have on hand.






truffle logs


unique, unparalleled ingredients and exquisitely crafted designs combine dessert and art into one flavorful and extraordinary package.


Heart Shaped Truffle Assortment


Chocolate City


TO BE CONTINUED

Everyday is my lazy day

Beautiful days, warm sun soaked days filled with endless lazy hours. There lies my problem, lazy hours. I’m quite good at being lazy n not being lazy. Two beautiful choices. Sometimes I hate waking up without plans, nothing in the diary.

It’s driving me crazy, people may say I am mad and I should just enjoy the break, but it’s like being on holiday at home. There is only so much you can do to amuse yourself. My home is a bit tidy, washing is done three time a week. Shopping fetched every alternate day.

It’s been a long time since I have felt like this. For the last 16 years my life has been a constant whirlwind being a mom filled my days. Of course I’m still a mom but losing the role of career has left me empty. No hospital appointments, medicines to arrange, feeds to manage. My kids are in the boarding school and are off to school, the days are mine. I should be happy; relishing the time I have to myself. Enjoying the slower pace of life.

I do not hate it, I’m exhausted yet I’m doing so little. I feel like my identity is slowly slipping away from me. There must be a woman underneath the roles I play. Where do I look for her?

I was twenty four years old when I became a mom. I have travelled far in my life and changed so much. I’m not sure an ounce of the old me is left to find, the party animal has disappeared. Not sure if she is the person I am searching for anyway.

I don’t want to go back to who I was; I want to find who I am.

I’m sure we all reach this part; we all come to a crossroads in life. We all have choices to make. My mind is filled with endless questions with no answers. I have my map but nowhere to travel to.

I pray for directions.

2012 school holiday lah

School holidays do have an impact in the office. You can tell when people come to work early and less stressed as parents do not need to get up extra early braving traffic jams sending their children to school. What a relief it must be for parents.

But for me i’m aching, emotional, hoarse from shouting and ready to fall into bed early most nights. Yes its school holiday time.

Also my bank balance couldn’t cope with all the days out if it 365, but school holidays are making me just enough to make it special and affordable. Though sometimes the purse strings get a little tight and we have to find more economical ways to have fun. The reality is we just enjoy being together as a family.

This year has been a little different,my hannah n aqil wanted to go their own way a little more but all in all once they are away from their peers they forget about acting like cool teenagers and relax and remember fun has no age restrictions.

I love spending time with my family and to be honest I’m shocked that we are already over half way through the holidays. Note to self finish shopping for new uniforms, books and so much to think off.

Currently, i am enjoying more quality time with my children...

If I’ve given you the impression that school holidays are a smooth, bump free couple of weeks for me and my lot, I apologized. Because as any stay at home parent knows, no school holiday is complete without tantrums, silly arguments and fights over a particular ipad, ipod,mac air or silly tv especially the korean running man. But of course that’s all part of the package of having children and is evened up by me receiving more hugs, kisses and constant “I love you”s from the children when they’re at home.

Having said that, as much as I love having more quality time with my children, I find that by the end of the school holidays I am a that exhausted and very much looking forward to send them off at their boarding school and getting some quiet day time.

I have enjoyed every minute. Yes it’s been tiring even frustrating at times (did I mention I have teens). But every day, every moment I get to spend with my children is a gift. They grow so quick and what I’ve learned the hard way is you can’t turn back time.

I am here enjoying the holidays and remember they are only children for such
a small time. yes enjoy, embrace and make memories...

Making a Difference

The Starfish Story Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and

gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?" The

youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I

don't throw them back, they?ll die." "Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and

miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can't make a difference!" After listening politely,

the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at

the man, he said, "I made a difference for that one."

The light that might sparkle

Amazing things are happening in my life. I feel so grateful. In some ways, times are very dark here at our house (or, I should say, that's how some people would view them), but I am filled with light.

My world sometimes feels like this sky, but I am the trees, shining against all odds. Not outwardly, mind you. I'm just a 41 year old mom who needs a haircut and who would really love a nap. But inwardly...there's peace.

I've wish i can write every thing over the past few days trying to describe my state. Things are dire here, I'm not going to lie. I've got an aging dad with currently has NO health issues, a husband that is practical and struggling in making more money in his horizon. Children who need overseas holiday and won't get them any time soon, cars about to die with no chance of replacement or even repair...okay, I better stop.....hahahaha But mostly, I'm at peace...peace being positive


Of course, a part of me feels like I should be up-in-arms. "Fight, fight, fight! You must make a stand, there should be urgency, noise must be made!!! Don't sit there praying--DO something!" But that's where I've always gone wrong. Making noise for noise's sake...never helpful; in fact, quite damaging in some instances. So I'm choosing love and a sort of peaceful calm expectancy. By choosing these ways of being, they seem to choose me as well. I don't claim to understand, but I can be a witness: it's a choice and a gift, all in one.

So. I'm choosing love instead of fear, and it's a daily, sometimes hourly, conscious decision. After all, a small but precious group of people in this world depend almost entirely on me to set the tone for their days and to meet their needs--physical, emotional, spiritual. It's a lot. But I'm much more likely to meet those needs by reflecting the light than by raining down anger and tears.

This is a choice that the outside world might say is weak, or at the very least passive. But I disagree. It's strong, in the most profound sense. Only by releasing control can I allow Allah, who is very much on the job, to handle the situation. How can I solve any situation, of my own accord, for the benefit and healing of all involved? I cannot. But Allah can, and He has, and He will.