The light that might sparkle

Amazing things are happening in my life. I feel so grateful. In some ways, times are very dark here at our house (or, I should say, that's how some people would view them), but I am filled with light.

My world sometimes feels like this sky, but I am the trees, shining against all odds. Not outwardly, mind you. I'm just a 41 year old mom who needs a haircut and who would really love a nap. But inwardly...there's peace.

I've wish i can write every thing over the past few days trying to describe my state. Things are dire here, I'm not going to lie. I've got an aging dad with currently has NO health issues, a husband that is practical and struggling in making more money in his horizon. Children who need overseas holiday and won't get them any time soon, cars about to die with no chance of replacement or even repair...okay, I better stop.....hahahaha But mostly, I'm at peace...peace being positive


Of course, a part of me feels like I should be up-in-arms. "Fight, fight, fight! You must make a stand, there should be urgency, noise must be made!!! Don't sit there praying--DO something!" But that's where I've always gone wrong. Making noise for noise's sake...never helpful; in fact, quite damaging in some instances. So I'm choosing love and a sort of peaceful calm expectancy. By choosing these ways of being, they seem to choose me as well. I don't claim to understand, but I can be a witness: it's a choice and a gift, all in one.

So. I'm choosing love instead of fear, and it's a daily, sometimes hourly, conscious decision. After all, a small but precious group of people in this world depend almost entirely on me to set the tone for their days and to meet their needs--physical, emotional, spiritual. It's a lot. But I'm much more likely to meet those needs by reflecting the light than by raining down anger and tears.

This is a choice that the outside world might say is weak, or at the very least passive. But I disagree. It's strong, in the most profound sense. Only by releasing control can I allow Allah, who is very much on the job, to handle the situation. How can I solve any situation, of my own accord, for the benefit and healing of all involved? I cannot. But Allah can, and He has, and He will.