Rain and strong winds october 2012

Last night rain continuing to push lightly even though mainly cloudy....gelap sikit. But it was a strong winds across the area,,,,

I ended up in sleeping possibly out of concern that the (single-wind) windows might blow in. At time i was woken up by the howling wind in the middle of the night. I slept through the bloody thing.

Woke up the next morning, opened the curtains and saw the broken branches up and down the road. I was not amused. I can also remember a deep sense of disorientation and dislocation and feeling sad about the trees and definately my one and only waja. I moved my car to avoid it getting damaged. slightly dent... Thankfully miraculously the car wasn't that major damaged.

Love Affair 1994

Anyone falling in love with LOVE AFFAIR by Wearren Beatty n Annette Benning? yes ...me of course...

I have watched this movie numerous times, and every time it touches my heart. This is my favorite movie of all time! outstanding remarks from me. It is just a delightful movie and warms my heart. I always wonder if this movie was made during the beginning of their (Annette and Warren's)love story???

The story revolves around two people (Warren and Annette) who crossed their paths while on a flight, they had emergency landing on an island where she meets his aunt (Katharine Hepburn). Both are engaged to others but they fall in love each other......on a flight back, they promise that they will meet up again in New York few months later and if they still love each other. I don't want to spoil this movie, so you should watch this if you want to know the ending....so come on..tengok lah sampai abis....

The setting is very beautiful and refined. Even though it's just picture, I could feel that I am there. Oh silly me...I can feel the wind and heavy rain in this movie. I can see the film director's effort to take a photograph of the beauty of the nature.

Again let me repeat it for hundred times, I have watched it over and over and every single time I feel the same emotions.

SDAR 10

I'm a rugby mum through out and through in. After few months on the sidelines cheering my Aqil , I beginning to know a very little about the rugby rules. currently, I'm comfortable that what I am calling out to my son on the field is relevant to the game and I have a voice and more to the point, I'm not afraid to use it....

This year however, Aqil decide of being totally dedicated to his dream of playing for MCKK Rugby U13.

First of all,I know nothing or somehow ZERO about rugby and it seems that no matter how many amount of explaining from my hubby seems to make any difference at all. It goes in one ear and out the other and I'm hands up admitting defeat on the subject. I figure I'll just cheer when all the other parents on our team are cheering or when my Aqil has the ball in his hands or brings down another kiddo on the opposite team who has the ball in his hands.

Today was quite special. Yes today is the day i sees mothers, fathers, siblings, friends especially from our own MCKK tent screamed like a banshee as their sons dodged, trampled and barged and galloped the length of the field before performing a totally unnecessary but super impressive all super styles diving over the try line. even tak sampai pun....They were punching the air, jumping up and down and hugging anyone in grabbing distance. They even look desperately wanted to run out onto the field either to kill the referee or smother their boys in kisses when the game is over...
Well, i wanted to do the same but a little voice inside my head called a conscience insisted that it would just be too cruel to embarassed my Aqil. Instead I waited until after the game and then I went into full gush mode.

In my case however it seems that ignorance equals silence and my son has been very grateful that my days of screaming out from the sidelines are actually us.... until today.I may not the silent spectator role and let the world know (or at least everyone at this particular field) that I'm not really the shy reserved and quiet new rugby mum after all.

Luckily i am good in snapping away with the camera and managed to capture every one on the MCKK team try in all it's glory.

I still know nothing about how the game is played and I am sure I will still stress about every little thump or tackle I witness, but by hell I found my voice and my enthusiasm for this game today and I am proud to say that I am now a rugby mum to boot!

MRSM Baling trip

Heading out on a long journey and arrived in Baling at about 4pm on friday October 5th 2012. We are here in MRSM Baling for the "sembahyang hajat PMR". After a long drive 6 n half hours (drive-stop-nasi lemak-coffee-drive-kuala kangsar- stop-lunch-drive-titbits-drive) hahaha we safely arrived. ...
In between, we define a mission of finding time to give the MCKK form 1 team a moral support ahead of their rugby match in SDAR 10...so apalagi, we stopped by at MCKK ....mmmmmmmmm...

Back to our actual heading...we checked in to Baling Inn (some sort of motel) with En Ismail help....thank u En Ismail. by the way En Ismail is one of the student dads running their childrens MRSM Baling PIBG ( badan muafakat) . I’m pleased to see this happening. I wish more dads would take on what can definitely be considered “non-traditional” volunteer roles at their childrens schools. Bravo En Ismail

We need more dads to run school organizations like Badan muafakat (PIBG) and sort of activities like him. Schools need dads to take on the roles typically seen as “mom” jobs. That would open up more of the male-dominated volunteer roles for moms. Beyond fairness in the assignment of volunteer jobs, balance is key in terms of gender, personalities and professional skills for school volunteering where the term "Badan Muafakat AKA PIBG" is synonymous for backbiting, nasty politics and “mama drama.”..

Of course la, it all depends on the particular dad who chooses to volunteer to run the Badan Muafakat AKA PIBG or other major school event. He must be confident, self-assured and friendly. He’s got to possess leadership qualities that bring various factions together and move the work agenda forward. That’s exactly what En Ismail did. He made his volunteer job a lot easier this three particular year i suppose...hehehe..anyway hats off for En Ismail again yeah..

P/S-Almaklumlah mostly have the thoughts of mommy, mamma, ibu, ummi pi PIBG nak bergossip jer tak pun tarik tarik rambut.......HAHAHAHAHAHA HALLLOOOOO...

This is my hubby loves our "little" girl more than me.....bluek

Pekan Baling........

Well, the next morning, we enjoyed our breakfast here after the long hours drving from KL....

Later, we are about to fetch hannahs buddy buddy Tasneem for lunch and strolling around Penang. But then by that time it was already quite late and we had to rush back to Kuala Lumpur so we said to Hannah that we'd try again next time....

By not wanting to disappoint our one and only baby Hannah, we detoured a bit.. A bit about 35 km away from Baling..and off to Sungai Petani. We took Hannah and Tasneem out for lunch at the pizza place somewhere at The Village Mall. Later they came back a short while later with grins on their faces!...mmmm...the short stopover was worth it...:-)

We spent 30 minutes to walk around at this shopping mall and decided to hopped to another latest mall. At our surprise there was another shopping center… that are much bigger.

Love this mall! Has everything you need from high end to low end quality merchandise. It big enough to be entertaining, and yet small enough to be crowded and a touch overwhelming. Apart that this mall has a great cooling airconditioned, there are a lot of cool stores to look at. Apparently there are lots of good food places to go to though ....

Sent them back to the hostel by 3.30pm...

and half an hour later, we made our move back to KL..but still detour to Kuala Kangsar..for a quick makan makan at Pakcik Kualers villa....Alhamdulillah reached home safely by 11pm. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

first hiccup

I'm not in the mood for blogging
I may be taking a few days away from the blog. Usually once I make this announcement, I suddenly get lots of stuff to tell about, so don't count on my disappearing.
I had planned on blogging every day of my daily activities and I have hardly put up anything.
I should have said I was taking a break. Then I would have plenty to say.
So this is me....

As i watch u grow

my dearest Hannah

Do you know how much you mean to me?
As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.
You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl,
With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair,
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly,
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know,
You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear,
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail,
You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above,
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!

Setarbak at setapak

Just sharing about setarbak at setapak.

That doesn't mean I don't go there. I may be willing to pay their exorbitant prices for a cup of coffee, but I refuse to play their little Starbucks games. It's my right as a human being......huhuhuhu

You too, have these rights when entering a Starbucks:

1. You have the right to order in plain English a SMALL, MEDIUM or LARGE.

2. You have the right to take your time and not feel rushed while making your order, even though the cashier is rolling his eyes and tapping his kilometrico pen on the counter.

3. You have the right to give them a fake name to write on your cup.

4. You have the right to get whipped cream on your nonfat drink without every Starbuck's employee asking, "No whip, right?"

5. You have the right to act like your mother in response to the total price of your drink, ie. dig in your purse for exact change and make comments under your breath such as, "What a racket," and "This is highway robbery."

6. You have the right NOT to tip. Their job is to make coffee and serve it. What EXTRA service deserves a tip? They don't even deliver it...even the counter is higher than me....pendek lah ...Give me a freaking break. They should be tipping ME for having to listen to their shitty coffee house music.

7. You have the right to force your way up to the front and watch them make your coffee, and bring it to their attention if they "accidentally" use whole milk instead of the nonfat you ordered.

8. You have the right to order a free cup of water. The barista will act like you are asking him to shave off his goatee, and he will do it, reluctantly, after he has finished all 27 orders before you. Still, it's your right and he HAS to do it.

9. You have the right to sit down and drink your coffee there, although I don't know why anyone would want to sit in an uncomfortable chair at a wobbly table listening to shitty music (see right #6). Yes, there is a couch, but you would have to share it with the fat guy on his laptop writing his "novel"....and cute young girls acting as if bapak punya cafe.... Go for it. It's your right.

10. You have the right to stand in line listening to shitty music, realize you don't want to pay rm10 for a cup of coffee, and leave. Just because you walk into a Starbucks doesn't mean you have to buy something....right......

Get over it babeh

Oklah today's blogging end up super right thing n salute to Christina...i just LOVE her statement.....!!!

Christina Aguilera’s weight has been put under the microscope for the last few years, ever since she donned the chaps for her ‘Dirrrty’ single, but now she’s allegedly admitted that she “got tired of being a skinny, white girl”, and calls herself “fat”.

The 31-year-old mother-of-one is proud of her Latin curves, and has reportedly said that she will not to succumb to pressures from the music industry to lose weight to sell her records, as she once did.

According to reports, Christina said in an interview with Billboard magazine: “During the promotion of Stripped in 2002 I got tired of being a skinny, white girl.

She is also reportedly to have continued: “I am Ecuadorian but people felt so safe passing me off as a skinny, blue-eyed white girl.

“The next time my label saw me, I was heavier, darker and full of piercings! Let me tell you, that wasn't an easy pill for them to swallow. I had gained about 15 pounds during promotion and during my Stripped tour.”

According to reports, Christina also talked about the pressure she felt, explaining: “They called this serious emergency meeting about how there was a lot of backlash about my weight. Basically, they told me I would effect a lot of people if I gained weight - the production, musical directors.

“[They claimed] people I toured with would also miss out if I gained weight because I would sell no records or tickets for my shows."

“I was young, so I lost the weight quickly and was toothpick thin during Back to Basics promos and touring," she said.

Now the ‘Fighter’ singer is readying her new record ‘Lotus’ for release. Following the 2010 flop of Bionic, she approached her label and allegedly said: “You are working with a fat girl. Know it now and get over it.

"They need a reminder sometimes that I don't belong to them. It's my body. My body can't put anyone in jeopardy of not making money anymore. My body is just not on the table that way anymore.”

surprise birthday

I love planning surprise parties! The only hard part is keeping them a secret! The closer you are to the person you are planning it for the harder it is to keep the secret!

I personally don't enjoy surprise parties (I am a snoop and I always find out the details ahead of time) but we threw a wonderful one for my hubby. I was so good at covering my tracks he never saw it coming!


I threw a mini surprise party for my hubby's 42nd birthday this year. I say "mini" because it was literally my self, our best friend Paul and Winnie with their kiddo Samantha, Danielle and Nat. We all live in the same area somewhere in PJ and we all came together at this simple steamboat restaurant in Ikano - and surprised my hubby for dinner. He was floored, but also super elated and pleased. Knowing his personality, I think he would have been embarrassed if it had been a larger group of people...Somehow i preferred this mini party a private party ! But with just our close friends there,he was a very happy birthday boy...Happy Birthday my Love.... love u so much ....muahhhhhhhhh

However thank God, all was well and a bursting of love were evident! I agree that half the fun is the excitement beforehand but surprises can make such a memory!

jokes jadah

“A Hospital is no place to be sick.”

“If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it.”

“One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is the assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind”

Hari Raya part 2

As far as I could remember,Every year eversince i got married we must be heading toward the south Masjid Tanah for the Hari Raya or 'Aidulfitri celebration. It is like some kind of a must or a tradition...malas nak gaduh anyway

We brought our kids to visit their grandpas' resting place . Al-fatihah to Arwah Haji Khalip.



That evening, we went over hubby parents house and it was havoc.
The sparklers were out and the boys with their cousins were really having a ball.
Even not helping out clearing the mess they created after playing with the fireworks.



my niece fariza n my son aqil

2012 Hari Raya part 1

My super long long post on hari raya is now updating.

Ever since arwah my mom passed away on year 2010, every year during Aidilfitri, usually on the first day of hari raya, my family includes my abah would gather at her pusara to recite the surah Yaasin and pray to the Almighty to pardon her sins. Actually, this practice of gathering at the cemetery at Aidilfitri is not a religious command but rather a cultural one.

On normal occasion we would visit the pusara on the Hari Raya day itself. This year we planned to do it the day before - cleaning up, read the quranic verses and perhaps just chatting with the departed one. I thought by doing it the day before, I would have more time to be there without worrying if anyone is one the way to visit arwah's pusara.

My beautiful Hannah helping me with the cookies by putting in in the jar . Well...food used to have a huge integral part of Hari Raya celebration to us during arwah my mom is around. Likewise, we used having a lavish spread of food on our dining tables during Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Specialties include beef rendang, ketupat and nasi impit would be complemented by snacks like cookies, cakes and pineapple tarts...but then after she passed on the dishes became more simpler and faster ...yeah I bought the lemangs, the ketupats, the kuah kacang which was freshly cooked at lemang Bunda somewhere around Kampung Melayu Subang . Trust me the dishes turned out good, although I'd wish for the beef rendang to be more spicy....anyway its worth being there at a very early hours,hehehe ...Maybe Insyaallah,I will try to make rendang in the future. Who knows its gonna be a hot favourite...

That morning starts with the prayers at the mosque as my hubby, Aqil and abah went for solat aidilfitri in Taman Tun Dr Ismail together to bid farewell to Ramadan and welcome Syawal, the month of celebration. After all the men came back from Solat Aidilfitri at the mosque, we took a few family photos we will gather to ask forgiveness, from the youngest (Aqil) to the eldest in the family (Atok) of course.

asthma attack

Asthma attacks are frightening experiences. They happen when your symptoms such as feeling breathless, wheezing, tightness in the chest and coughing get worse or when you are too breathless to speak, eat or sleep.

My worst asthma attack would have been quite recently. Sometimes sitting on the couch, just watching tv or hooking to computer even if i am having shower and I started to cough, and just couldn't stop. This went on for about two or three minutes maybe.. I couldn't breathe for a few minutes,I felt on my knees grabbing my throat; I swear someone had a rope around my neck. I couldn't breathe at all. I swear those were my last moments....( but i still wants to see hannah n aqil graduation u see), to think of that,I normally quickly got up and ran towards to my handbag and got my inhaler. I now carry it around the majority of the time, just in case. I'm glad I was at home when it happened though.

I had my asthma just a couple of years back around maybe 2009 or 2010...it started gradually .. i got a lot of long episodes of coughing, shortness of breathe, and figured it was a respiratory virus. Mostly when i had a chronic cough, worse at night, triggered by cold. Cold weather is a definite trigger. Coughing sometimes got so bad it led to chest pain and wheezing. And maybe couple times in the past few years too i had episodes of emotional stress...that was the time arwah my mom health was deteriorating, mostly a year in a row she spent most of her time in the hospital. I am so lucky having my abah still in good health and shape and taking a good care of arwah though.. So, I thought that those were panic attacks that contributes the intense and constant coughing....Even going out for an afternoon of errands led to a couple days of light fever, and a lot of interference with daily activities. I did think about going to a doctor, but didn't. It got bad so gradually too.

I always had good days back there then even i have to rush juggling my time with arwah mom and my kids study time table, and somehow it was easy to convince myself I was fine, and just imagining things. When it got a lot better after that, I just forgot about it. Still had minor coughing, especially at night, but when the pain and and wheezing went away, and I figured it was some kind of a normal cough. I guess I forgot how bad it was in the cold time especially on rainy days, and I was embarrassed to be coughing all the time.... :(

Then one day, everything went wrong. The weather was terrible. Extreme shortness of breathe. Tight chest. Huge amounts of mucous choking me. Wheezing and coughing. Normally when I had an attacks like that, that would always get better, but never quite went away this time around. By the time I got to a doctor I could barely walk. I couldn't say more than two or three words together without coughing or gasping. ..i went to see my so call family doctor (Dr Rozimah) and she diagnosed me asthma... i was quite shocked a bit but i am strong enough to accept the fact that i am an ashmatic patient. She prescribed ventolin inhaler to me during my breathing difficulties to assist the airway flows. Now i am depending on very much to this ventolin inhaler.

Nowadays, I used my asthma as a crutch for many years, saying, "I can't run, I have asthma." Or, "I can't stay on in a very cold room temperature, I have asthma." " i can't lift up heavy bags or thing, i have asthma ." And while to a certain extent i think i am handicapped...hahaha

Go ahead and dream on !!!

I have always had this perfect image of how life should be.....have the perfect home (yup not bad), perfect children (yes 2 brilliant children of my own), perfect husband (okay lar), perfect job (housewife consider a job too okay). everything perfect...only in my head.


Wake up on a beautiful cold Sunday morning, children laughing and giggling and trying to make breakfast for mom and dad. Getting up and helping the kids clean-up. sitting at the table with the husband, drinking coffee and reading the paper or talking about what simple plans will be had for the day. Having the skills of making the best nasi lemak in town just like arwah my mom (Alfatihah to my mom) with all the right ingredients. The sun shining in and making the house as warm as your heart is. the children in perfect outfits and waiting for the day to start. The husband wanting to please you in every way. perfection....only in your silly head....statement tak boleh blah (nowadays kiddos love to say that)


Life doesn't turnout that perfect. life has a way of kicking you in the ass, and telling you to stop daydreaming. telling you to come out of the clouds, and back to reality, back to the bills, the small inadequate house, the messy kitchen. the arguing kids. The piles of laundry, the crappy days, The bossy husband wanting to please you in every way....for a purpose instead


I guess life will be as perfect as you let it. although it can feel like the worst thing possible, the silver lining will always be there. You just have to look for it, even on your worst days, its there.

dream vacation

Do you ever find yourself in the need to just take a moment and breath? Do you find yourself exhausted from everything that is happening that you need a timeout from everyone...including yourself? That's where I have been the last few weeks. I have been exhausted mentally, emotionally and very much physically the last few weeks with letargic issues (u see...i travelled almost every week to kuala kangsar just to see my beloved son, Aqil... and trying to fight to get back into the normal mode. It has taken it's toll on me.

But then next week hubby n i will start up to pack our things again for the next trip on the row to Baling, Kedah just to spare some motivation n spirit to our beloved daughter, Hannah..she will be sitting for her PMR . let me tell u a bit about her ...Hannah is the type of whenever she takes examination, I feel the pressure as well because she always takes examination seriously. Whether it is just a trial examination in school, or just a simple test.. she used to wake up at mid-night, still thinking that she had not studied enough and finished covering all the syllabus for a coming examination! Looking at the way she studies and practises, the pressure imposes on herself seems to be contagious and passes onto me! I am waiting for the examination to finally over for her....jahat mommy ni ...

On the other hand, Aqil is a very relaxing person and he does not seem to worry about examinations that much! In the same way, because of his attitude towards examination, in return we do not feel the pressure that much. Only me the garang mommy pushes him to the limit to study more and grumbles on him for being too relax, it is such a strong contrast to Hannah.


Examinations were night mares to me for this many years ago. Even when I was still in school and started to work , the dark shadow of examination haunted me for years. In this respect, I admire Aqil, and he could sleep equally well with or without examination!


Back to topic heay..VACATION I need a vacation! A vacation were I feel NO pain, have no worries, no decision making. Where I can just relax, have a good time, jump in the ocean without pain. Watch the sunset over the blue ocean. Walk hand in hand with my husband and keep up with his strides. Have fruity drinks with small umbrellas in them and just forget what has been a hell of 8 yrs. I'm sure most people would love that kind of vacation. I just wish for a calm in the storm. A hope that the hell is almost over and things will start to look better.

I would love just a day or two without being in pain while walking, sitting, laying, or doing anything. I just want to go back to 8 yrs ago and change everything. but then, I wouldn't be who I am today. Someone who accepts the physical limitations,(but doesn't enjoy them) someone who is hopeful for the future and all the secrets it can bring. I wish I could see myself 8 yrs ago and tell myself to fight because it is worth the stress, fear and frustrations. Tell myself it will be okay and and there is an end to it,,,. it may take awhile but there is and end and we are just in the middle.

secrets to reveal soon

Have you ever been told a big secret and not told anyone? Have you ever had a secret and had to wait to tell people? Secrets can be hurtful sometimes and sometimes pure joy when spilled!

Me myself have many secrets on my own and have never shared them. I was told a secret was I was 12 and have never talked about it or told anyone. I also thought I had to keep a secret about the same time and didn't divulge it until I was much older. But, I also thought that the secret was partly my fault and not until later did I realize and understand that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't have kept it a secret.

I have been holding on to a secret for months now. I am waiting for the right moment to let my secret out. I know it will be a shock to people, but isn't that what secrets are for? sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! i will definately spread this secret soon............

my morning backstabber

What is a best friend and what is a backstabber, A best friend is someone you can rely on, and a backstabber is someone you do not wanna tell secrets to. There are plenty of best friends and a lot of backstabbers everywhere. So be sure who your friends are and if they are true friends. First I will tell you about best friends. I have the best friends ever, I can rely on them for anything. A best friend is someone you can tell secrets to and trust they will tell no one. And a best friend is someone who will give you great advice when you don’t know what to do. When you are sad and don’t know where to turn a best friend will be there and talk to you until you are better. Apparently most of my best friend will support me in any single thing i do...cheers.......Now when one of your “best friends” is a backstabber your not gonna be happy.

-The so call BACKSTABBER FRIEND in my own category-

1 - A backstabber is some one who will tell all of your secrets to anyone no matter how embarrassing they are and they won’t care if you get sad about it. A DRAMA QUEEN

2 - A backstabber is someone who talk behind your back like they hate you then when you are with them they will act like your best friend forever. MY LONG LONG FRIEND FROM SCHOOL !!! bitten me twice apparently....

3 - A backstabber will purposely embarrass you in front of everyone just for the fun of it and to watch you fall. PERPETUALLY MAKING FUN OF MY FAILURE IN COOKING...

4 - When you think you can trust them and rely on them they suddenly turn on you and make everyone hate you while they watch and laugh and enjoy every second of it. A BIG LESSON TO ME !!! never trust a DATIN ... a super duper DATIN JAHANAM..!!!

So be careful who your real friends are and never choose a backstabber as a friend or our life cause suddenly change, possibly forever. The person(s) who did this to me are ones who are really worrying about it these days. I don't have to live with the guilt of what was done to me by them, and I don't have to worry about what I did in return because I learned a long time ago that there is no revenge like living well and being loved and not worrying about centering my emotions or my energies toward people who do not warrant any of my attention, whether it is good attention or bad attention. They deserve none of my energy.